Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Monsters
"I'm here," I type to you in a Facebook message as I'm walking up your street. My legs can't move as fast as I want them to. I've missed you so much. The seconds it takes for you to come to your door feel like hours and when I hear the doorknob twist, my stomach fills with butterflies, no - monsters. Monsters doing extreme acrobatics; flipping, tumbling, spinning. My mind becomes overworked with things I want to say to you but all that comes out is "hey." I follow you down the stairs and into your door and plant myself on the couch, anticipating welcome kisses from KL. We sit. We stare. We talk about the week passed. We stare some more and as you inch closer and closer, my heart beats harder and faster. You kiss me once and I'm home. You are home. Nothing else matters.
The night goes on and we can hardly pay attention to what's playing on the TV. We sit and we lay and we talk about everything, staring so intently at one another as if no one else in the world matters until the early hours of the morning.
I force myself to keep my eyelids wide until you decide it's time to pass out. We crawl into bed and it's as if a magnetic force snaps us together like it did the night we met. I'm not sure holding you as tight as humanly possible helps me sleep but it sure does keep me warm and not temperature-wise either. The warmth that you can only feel when you're with someone you really care about. The warmth that you can feel beneath your skin, in your bones, and in every pulse of your beating heart. With every passing minute, the red numbers on your bedside clock taunt me. Every passing minute is a 60 seconds closer to me having to leave.
Leaving you is the hardest part of my week. I say it a lot, I know, but it's because it's true. We fight to stay awake for as long as we can until our minds just shut down and we doze off in each other's arms. We wake up just the same, and I reach for your hand. I never want to let go. You have to work, I have to catch a bus. It's the same every week but it's worth it - you're worth it.
You're worth every lonely second, every mile, every single day in between our time together. You are what I look forward to at the end of each and every week. You are the thought that puts me to sleep at night - one day closer, one day closer.
Seeing you is the best part of my week.
The night goes on and we can hardly pay attention to what's playing on the TV. We sit and we lay and we talk about everything, staring so intently at one another as if no one else in the world matters until the early hours of the morning.
I force myself to keep my eyelids wide until you decide it's time to pass out. We crawl into bed and it's as if a magnetic force snaps us together like it did the night we met. I'm not sure holding you as tight as humanly possible helps me sleep but it sure does keep me warm and not temperature-wise either. The warmth that you can only feel when you're with someone you really care about. The warmth that you can feel beneath your skin, in your bones, and in every pulse of your beating heart. With every passing minute, the red numbers on your bedside clock taunt me. Every passing minute is a 60 seconds closer to me having to leave.
Leaving you is the hardest part of my week. I say it a lot, I know, but it's because it's true. We fight to stay awake for as long as we can until our minds just shut down and we doze off in each other's arms. We wake up just the same, and I reach for your hand. I never want to let go. You have to work, I have to catch a bus. It's the same every week but it's worth it - you're worth it.
You're worth every lonely second, every mile, every single day in between our time together. You are what I look forward to at the end of each and every week. You are the thought that puts me to sleep at night - one day closer, one day closer.
Seeing you is the best part of my week.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
This isn't going to be over-thought or poetic or well-versed in any way, I just need to get it out. I haven't felt like this in a while, and I cried last night. I cried possibly more than I have ever cried and I couldn't control it. This hurt, and still hurts. I really can't wrap my head around it so I need to simply try not to. I respect your space and as much as I hope for a certain situation to arise from your time alone, I can't invest all my hopes and feelings that it will.
Just before I finally coaxed myself to sleep, I knew I was going to wake up just as upset as I was when I fell asleep but that wasn't the case. I woke up and felt nothing.
I'm not going to lie, it scared me a bit but then I rolled over and my cat licked my arm and seconds later my roommate knocked on my door with a smile on his face. I'm upset, there's no question, but I can't control you, or other people, or how anyone in this judgmental world feels. I'm going to make a big breakfast, wish you were here to share it with me, and then try and get on with my day. I fell hard and fast, so if this is it I'm going to need some time to get back up.
Just before I finally coaxed myself to sleep, I knew I was going to wake up just as upset as I was when I fell asleep but that wasn't the case. I woke up and felt nothing.
I'm not going to lie, it scared me a bit but then I rolled over and my cat licked my arm and seconds later my roommate knocked on my door with a smile on his face. I'm upset, there's no question, but I can't control you, or other people, or how anyone in this judgmental world feels. I'm going to make a big breakfast, wish you were here to share it with me, and then try and get on with my day. I fell hard and fast, so if this is it I'm going to need some time to get back up.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Why can't I ever know what I want
Girls drive me nuts and I'm slowly starting to think that I, myself, might be the reason behind that.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I just wrote the 'l' word in my journal
I feel really weird about it and I can't stop thinking about it.
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